airing my dirty laundry

24 Jan

literally. there it is. yes, that is The Muppet Show Season 3.

That about sums up the past few days. Crazy crazy mess. It’s clean* now. I did a crapload of laundry this weekend.

*replaced by a laundry basket of yet-to-be-put-away clean clothes. Better than the alternative above.

I’m in a bit of a wintry rut. Today’s glorious high of 12°F kept me wishing for a big bundle of blankets all day long. A giant coffee worked, too.

In general, I’ve kept pretty busy:

cooking in my new apron

digging myself out of snowbanks

wondering why my onions have started producing life from within their layery cores

 

But the one thing I haven’t been able to do is get excited about running. Everything else I do at the gym: muscle conditioning, yoga, tabata, etc… I’m amped about it. I’m really good at those classes. I have the best bicep muscles I have ever had in my life. But running? MENTAL BLOCK. I can’t do a 5k without thinking to myself “you’re slow, you haven’t gotten any faster, you’re going to get tired, just stop now.” I fight it and tell myself “uh hi, I completed a marathon in 90+ degree weather. A 5k on a treadmill with a fan and a television? What a jolly good joke!” Apparently I become a Briton from the 19th century when I pump myself up. Problem #1?

So here I am, less than two weeks out from my first race since Chicago, wondering how the hell I’m going to do. Maybe I’m setting too harsh time goals for myself? I don’t enjoy it right now. I’m probably putting up too many goals and limitations and not simply enjoying it for what it is, like I used to. I feel like I have to go for a run, and there’s no desire behind it because of all the doubt.

You ever notice how you can try and try and try to have a great day, but the more you try and fall short, the more disappointing it is? And the minute you stop trying so hard, everything is great? That’s me and running right now. I have to drop the TRY TRY TRY and just go. Saying is much easier than doing.

I’ve worked through much harder things than this mental block before, so I’m not worried. In the meantime, I’m going to get cozy with my slippers and tea.

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4 Responses to “airing my dirty laundry”

  1. J January 25, 2011 at 7:59 am #

    last week Mel -Tall Mom posted about wanting and having to run (I think) and you really have to run because just running when you don’t want to is not fun. Hopefully you can figure things out and enjoy running again!

    • Kera January 25, 2011 at 3:39 pm #

      Thanks! I’m just taking it one day at a time and listening to my body. That’s about all you can really do!

      And I reeeeally have to catch up on my RSS feeds, haha!

  2. onelittlejill January 25, 2011 at 1:52 pm #

    I love your apron!

    • Kera January 25, 2011 at 3:39 pm #

      Thank you! My mom made it for me for Christmas :)

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